I went to the park I frequent for these activities, old (new) friend. I followed my attractions and found myself at a turn in the creek where several trees had more of there root system showing than usual. I was attracted to these roots and the trees and the creeks turn. I was not focusing on my thoughts, just my attractions and being open to anything I didn’t fully trust in nature. It hit me quickly like it came from behind me. The question I asked nature was, “How can I trust something that created us humans? How could you have made something so seemingly unnatural? Something that doesn’t follow the rules of nature?” The answer came as it often does, as a feeling. And then a little bird told me, “Live Now, yep yep yep (yep = yes around here with our language accent). It repeated this over and over. I felt this existential peace as I received the message, “live now, cause things are not looking good for us humans and really this is a preferred way to live anyway.” I received the message that I need to do anything and everything I was waiting to do or putting off. Like telling someone I love them or healing old wounds. It was in no way depressing or hopeless. It was like: “each moment is precious, don’t miss any of them!” This was in support of living in ways that bring hope and joy. I have to admit that my first thought about it was to give up and do all of the harmful things I used to do to myself. Within a split second, I realized that that is not living now and that I am not attracted to that. I felt supported in knowing (being aware of) all the suffering and in not causing my own suffering. I feel different somehow. The question of how humans came to be the way we are is the biggest and last barrier to trusting natural attractions and nature in general.
Because these things happen simultaneously and not in a straight line, it is hard to convey these ideas very accurately with narrative. Another question I asked was why nature created so many things that are dangerous to us humans. This answer was more clear and direct. Nature said that every species needs predators to control population. This makes sense to me. I had a thought as I was taking the message in. This thought was: maybe people became somewhat conscious that they had been repeating the same life over and over again. They became aware of past lives or the connection to the never-ending nature of life. Maybe some humans tried to figure out how to solve this never-ending life thing because they were tired of cyclical suffering aka the loss of people that they loved. Maybe they realized (not fully consciously) that the only way to beat the law of nature was not following the laws of nature. I felt like they would be scared of this at first and then see some benefits and few downsides. Not knowing, ultimately, the effect this would have, pursued this way of life. And then we wake up a few thousand years later in the state we are in today.